Letters from a First Time Mom

Oh, The Places You’ll Go

Motherhood has taken me to places I never imagined I would end up going.

I certainly never pictured myself walking out of my own birthday party in hopes that a stroller ride might put my tired baby to sleep, who had already managed to stay up for two hours past his bedtime. I felt a bit disappointed as I walked away from the music and happy chatter inside as I joined the full moon and bright stars on the crisp, spring night. After only a few minutes, my six-month-old began humming as he drifted off to Dreamland, and I looked up to see a row of four deer just as they were elegantly leaping and bounding across the length of the horizon and over the hill right in front of me.

I smiled to myself as I let out the breath I didn’t even realize I had been holding once they disappeared into the shadows of the woods.

“And to think I thought I was missing something by coming outside…” I thought to myself.

Since our firstborn joined us, I haven’t had to set a morning alarm more than a handful of times – I’m usually awoken by his happy arms flapping as he squeals and blows bubbles sometime between seven and eight o’clock. Recently, I hoped with all my might that he would continue sleeping in the car for a few hours as we left before sunrise for a family trip to Berlin – a five hour drive.

After an hour or so, he awoke, unsettled, and the only thing that ended up calming him down was me leaning over him and nursing him in an extremely uncomfortable position. Yet, as my seat belt squeezed my belly and the plastic of his car seat dug into my ribs, I gazed out the window my torso was turned towards and reveled in the beauty of the sun beginning to shed its pastel colors on the rolling hills, fields, and villages adorned with quaint, little houses as we passed them.

Again, I realized that I would have missed that serene moment if it weren’t for my little one, as I’m sure I would have spent the first part of our early morning drive with my eyes closed.

Before I became Mommy, I don’t think I would have considered myself to be someone who was always in a rush or hurry. However, now I take trips to our town with my babe and roam the cobblestone streets just to get out of the house every so often. I sometimes spend a few hours there without even once glancing down at my watch. I’ve found myself in the middle of sweet conversations with kind strangers and must humbly admit that my earlier theory has been disproven entirely: Germans aren’t a closed-off people – it’s me who used to be.

Motherhood has brought me to places that initially might not have been my first choice, but this Mother’s Love has turned it into my most natural instinct to live life always keeping someone else in mind. Motherhood has taken me to quiet, peaceful evenings as my son falls asleep while nursing and to morning giggle sessions long before I used to greet the day. It pulls me out of our nest and into the fresh air to go on walks that always end up being so refreshing. It has led me deeper and deeper in love as I fall continually and madly for my son’s Papa.

Motherhood has guided me to places of sacrifice and places of joy whose beauty have proven to far outweigh those of the ones to which I might have otherwise gone. And when I ponder the fact that I’m still just starting out on this journey that will carry on until the end of my days, I am convinced that discoveries of expanses even more magnificent are still yet to come.

unsplash-logoSebastian Unrau

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